Jrnl Entry No. 11.5.1999

So I work at The Gap on 34th St. Harold Square right. NYC. Started on Sat Oct 30, 1999. I’m telling you seriously there are mad bitches there. My first day I was dizzy at the end of the day from trying to get a view of every ass that passed me by. And not only are there mad bitches who work there, but there are mad bitches who come through to shop. And there are a variety of bitches: Latino, Rican, West Indian, Jamaican, European, British, Londonish, Bronxish, Queenish, Harlemish, Spanish. They are in all different shapes, shades and sizes, speaking different languages. I tell you, it was crazy.

I said to myself that I wish I knew every language that the people spoke who came through that store. I seen so much ass on the one day switching by me that I had to go home and jack off that night. But after working there for a week, I’ve calmed down now and am back to normal. There are about four bitches there that I would just love to be fucking. Lets see, there is Massiel: she is like Latino or something to that effect with very light skin. She is nice and thick with hips, thighs, and a nice spread out ass in the back, and a nice amount of thick tidys in the front to go with everything else. She is 18 years old, a sweet little thing.

Most of the bitches who work there are like 18, 19, 20. No one knows me and I look young as hell anyway so everyone says, so I tell all the girls that I am 21. I’ve pretty muc h gotten all of the names from the bitches that I would love to fuck the shit out of with my long dick. There is this one Rican chick. She is lovely and so cute, short, with a nice big little ass. When I first saw her I was like “she is beautiful.” I asked her name one day when she and a couple of her friends were going on lunch break the same time I was and we were all headed to the mall across the street. She told me her name, gave me a little fake smile and kept walking not paying me any attention. I went about my way. I look at her every time I pass her and she gives me no eye contact. I haven’t spoken to her again since that day going to the mall and she hasn’t spoken to me, so I’m like fuck the little bitch. I forgot her name anyway, some weird shit that started with a “U”. While I’m like fuck her, she probably wants to suck all the blood out of my dick. That is the way these bitches work around here. They want you to beg them for attention, but I ain’t witt all that bullshit. If you like me you better give me some eye contact and let me know.

There is this other bitch also. Now I haven’t gotten around to asking her name yet, but I started just speaking to her once a day on the walk by, and she speaks back so that is a start. She is tall and slim but her ass is in proportion with her body and it looks nice. She is fly to me. On the first day I saw her she was wearing this Gap Blue-Jean- skirt knee length, with some black boots knee length, and a nice top. When you look at her, you may be tempted to say that she is ugly, I may even be tempted to say right now that she is ugly, but there is just something that I like about her. For one, when she walks, she always keeps her head up and she has this little bounce like she is walking on a runway for models. She doesn’t wear make-up or maybe just not to work. I am a sucker for a natural face and natural hair, which she also has. Her face is skinny, which is probably the reason to say that she is ugly. She dresses kind of simple in jeans and boots and tops, which, I don’t know how many times I have to say it, but “that is all you need to wear.” So her sexy walk combined with the simple fly way that she dresses has got me looking at her every time I pass her. The other day, just as I reached down stairs on the escalator, she put her hand on her ass and like rubbed down the crack, and I was like woah, it was just some sexy shit that bitches do but don’t even know that they are doing it.

Lets see, who else is there. Oh, this white, or I guess she is white, she look white. I got her name two days ago, and I just forgot as I wrote those works there before the comma. But anyway, this short bitch has a nice big ole ass and no stomach to go with it like most who have an ass like hers. We were in the lunch-room together and I sat at her table and she was talking to some other people and I jumped into the conversation. I noticed her ass the first day I started working there. She seemed pretty cool and I had thoughts that maybe there was a chance to get on, and then it came out through a conversation she was having with this guy at the table about cooking . He was telling another girl what he had cooked the night before, and the girl with the big ass was like “you didn’t cook that.” So he says “I can cook, invite me over to your house and I’ll cook you dinner.” She says “yeah, I’ll invite you over, but you’ll have to cook for five.” I’m thinking like “what, she lives with her mom and dad and brother or sister, and he would have to cook for all of them.” So I says “why would he have to cook for five?” She says, “for me, my three kidz and for himself.” So goes my thoughts of fucking all that ass from the back doggie style.

I’m not fucking with another bitch who has three kidz. I told myself this when I Stopped messing with Lauren. Sausha ass came along and fooled my ass. I thought she had two, but then she springs on me that she was pregnant when we met, and she had another little boy. I probably would have still talked to her at the time because I was pussyless when she came along. I have a thing about kidz. If a woman has more than one kid and she is single, she doesn’t need to be bullshitted, fucked and just left alone. I don’t like to do that type of shit to no one, but especially to a woman with kidz. The woman probably just wants a piece of dick anyway too, but some reason, I just don’t believe in casual relationships. Kidz are a big responsibility that I can handle and will handle in the case of Sausha. But on second thought, I’d rather not do it because it’s going to get expensive in the future. But my reasoning is that someone got to take of them in the future or they will be fucked up kidz makin’ the world more fucked up than it already is. We got to take care of our own, even if they are not our own. With Sausha, it was a horny thing, but also, she is the type of girl that I want in my life: natural, fine little body, well-manored, soft spoken, wants to do better, and willing to please, and doesn’t ask for much. I mean she wasn’t just an easy piece of pussy that had no other qualities I liked. But if there is a next time around, no kidz, or one kid no matter how horny I am, and how much they are giving me clues that the pussy is mine.

And I just didn’t expect  that white bitch to have any kidz. Our minds are programmed to think that white bitches don’t have all them babies without a ring on their finger. Maybe she was married, I don’t know. I think all bitches are stupid for that shit. Like Chris Rock said “yeah, you can raise a child on your own, it can be done, but its not a good fuckin idea. I mean you can jump out of a moving car going 50 miles and hour, it can be done, but its not a good fuckin’ idea.” Rather its one kid or three, it shouldn’t be without marriage. If the marriage breaks up cool, at least you can say you tried to do the right thing and it just didn’t work out. And if you were married, it’s all legal. After the divorce, you got child support and alimony coming. And most likely, if a man had a child with you in a loving marriage he is going to want to be bothered with his children; therefore, the child still has its father in its life.

And bitches try to justify it when they have a couple of kidz saying “they all have the same father.” That is a plus in its own right, but if the mutha fucka ain’t there and he ain’t takin care of his kidz neither, you look stupid. And the bitches with one kid think they are just so much better than the ones with two or three or four, like Rhonda for example. This bitch thinks that she has only one kid who is like seven or eight so HORRAY! HORRAY! She keeps herself fly and drives a dependable car, nothing worth mentioning though. She doesn’t have a college degree but works at one place makin’ nine dollars an hour, and works at Marshalls as a second job. And plus she still lives at home with her mom because she can’t afford her own apartment. She thinks she better than Sausha because she doesn’t live in the projects, she has her own car, only one kid and she dresses and looks better. I say no! She is on the same level with Sausha because like Sausha, she doesn’t have a career job; like Sausha, the father of her child doesn’t take care of it because he is not with her. Sausha lives on her own in the projects, but it ain’t no easy task. Rhonda lives with her mom, which allows her the luxury to buy a car and nice clothes to look nice. Move out of your momma’s house and lets see what car you drive and what clothes you wear.

I’m out on my own now, and can’t afford to buy nothing. So in my eyes, they both just as stupid for having a kid by a mutha fucka not knowing if he was going to be there to take care of the child. If you ain’t locked in by legal marriage, you are stupid for having a child plain and simple. You look dumb to me. Its just an opinion of mine though. Like my man Donald said one day, “that’s just your opinion, what about the other thousands.”

And there are a couple other bitches that I would like to fuck but I’ll skip the details. I like having this second job because it’s fun. I get to talk to people and fuck with customers and shit. Its all good and that money comes in hand.

One thought on “Jrnl Entry No. 11.5.1999

  1. Caveat: I notice I use the word “Bitch” a lot. I liken it to a song by “The Geto Boys” called “Gansta of Love” (so misogynistic that it’s caricaturally funny.)

    Disclaimer: I do not call women bitches in life or treat them inferior in alpha male dominant low-self-esteem fashion.

    As these journals were personal (never to be read until my death or by close family only), I’d read them kin to Holden Caufield, past tense (20 years past) first person singular.


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