So Melonie is wack. We went to the movies and seen Sleepy Hollow, some shit I would not have viewed in my lifetime if I hadn’t gone with her. We gets back from the movies to her apartment at a quarter to twelve because she didn’t know how to get home from the movies, which kind of pissed me off. When we reach her apartment, she makes me walk her to her door, which I wasn’t gonna do since since she wasn’t inviting me to her apartment. I gets home and calls her and she puts on this sleepy act. My whole drive home I was contemplating if I should call her or not. I decided to call to let her know I’d gotten home like she asked me to.
I didn’t talk to her Saturday because I had something to do. I calls her Sunday and ask would she like some company and she turned me down. So I’m saying to myself that was strike number two she has one more strike and she is outta here. I didn’t call her for two days after that because I was pissed at being turned down to spend time with her. I mean how am I supposed to get the panties down if they ain’t in my view or arms reach. So I calls her on Wednesday morning and leaves a message on her answering machine that I was thinking about her since I hadn’t talked to her, and that I would like to see her, and I suggested that maybe she come to my house. At about 7 P.M. that night I gets a call from her saying that she had just come from work, and that she was on her way to a skin care party so she wouldn’t be coming over my house. She said that I needed to give a couple of days notices to get together with her. I told her that I was not a give notice kind of guy.
And now all this is telling me is that this bitch is too busy to have a man. She has work and class. She doesn’t like to hook up during the week, which as I mentioned before is not a good thing. And I’m also thinking that she needs all this notice because she has to tell her other man she is doing something else. That bitch was probably going to get fucked last night and just made up that shit about the skin care party. Whatever the case, I’m like fuck her.
I gave her three chances to hook up with me, and she blew em. So I ain’t calling her any more so if she wants to hook up, its all gonna be on her to come to my house, to pay for the date or whatever, and then I might just turn her down. I hate bitches who play games, and that is all she has been doing, trying to play all innocent like and lady like: bitch is probably the biggest little hoe I’ve known since Rebecca.
I’ve told Romania at work that I like her and would like to talk to her outside of work. She said that she would think about that. That was two days ago and I haven’t heard anything from her. She can call me because she knows my extension or has access to it.
Bitches are so phony I swear. If they like you and are really attracted to you they show it. If they are not all that attracted to you, they try and make you do all this work and shit. I ain’t doin no work for no hoe. And then even if they are attracted to you, they still play games. The only game a bitch is gonna play with me is solitaire by her damn self.
Sausha has been calling me. She called me Monday and Wednesday talking like we were still together and she was over her problem with me. But I decided when I left her house that Sunday that I was through with her. I’ve said time and again that I love her and that she is a very nice girl, but her and her situation are not for me. And we have differences that in the long run would have killed the relationship anyway.
Lauren wrote me a letter that I received in the mail after I dicked her down real good on Saturday night. She was talking about why do we continue to hook up. Do we really love each other? And if we do, why aren’t we together as a family. SHEEIT! As many times as I tried to go back to her after we broke up and make things right, and all she did was play games because she had Jamelle dickin’ her down. Now I guess that nigga ain’t nowhere in sight and she wants to start talkin’ nice to me again. I don’t even feel love for her anymore. She is just a piece of good ass that I never know when I stick my dick in it. I wasn’t planning on fucking her Saturday night but it happened that way. I’ll fuck I guess until we have our next argument because she definitely can not be my wife like I thought she could have been in the past. I think I was just blinded by the lust of being able to bust a nut in her pussy and her sexy body and the way she works her ass when I fuck her.
I promise myself not to get involved with anyone who has three kidz. I can’t afford it. Them hoes shouldn’t have had all them kidz trying to be humanitarians without the fathers in it for sure. Now they stuck suffering the consequences, and I ain’t gonna be stuck with em.
I seen this girl I would have liked to get to know at The LaBar Bat on Tuesday night. She had a bad ass body, a cute face, and from her sheet of credentials being read because it was a fashion show, it sounded like she had some nice plans. I didn’t talk to her though.
From now on down if I see a bitch that I think I like, I’m just gonna talk to her and say the first words that come to mind. A bitch should know that when you ask her for her name that you are interested in getting to know her. So It’s either she is gonna want to get to know you also or she is not no matter what you say. Fuck all this holding back shit because bitches out here are desperate to meet a nice man anyway. That is what half of them are there for, to have someone talk to them. From now on its no holds bard on these hoes.
The Only Child 1988 
Caveat: I notice I use the word “Bitch” a lot. I liken it to a song by “The Geto Boys” called “Gansta of Love” (so misogynistic that it’s caricaturally funny.)
Disclaimer: I do not call women bitches in life or treat them inferior in alpha male dominant low-self-esteem fashion.
As these journals were personal (never to be read until my death or by close family only), I’d read them kin to Holden Caufield, past tense (20 years past) first person singular.
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