Jrnl Entry No. 3.6.2000

Well I talked to Lauren over the weekend, and she said that she was giving consideration to moving here with me. I guess I would like to see if it could be like it was when I fell in Love with her. She was so sweet to me; we went places and did things. She’s going Wednesday to VA to go see about her uncle so she says, and to look into an apartment. I have a feeling that she is not going to come here with me. She told me that her kidz say they don’t want to move here. They want to move to VA. I told her like I told Sausha: kids will adjust.

I didn’t do much this weekend. Friday I was with Kathy after work, and went to some free jazz shit at the Modern Museum of Art which was pretty cool. We went back to her apartment after that. One of her roommates was having a party. She didn’t want to attend, but I told her that since we were there, we may as well go out there to have a couple of drinks and chat for a while. She wanted to go back to her room so we did after about twenty minutes of sitting out there listening to talk about Law School at Columbia and NYU.

We went back to her room and watched T.V. I noticed she doesn’t have a pleasant looking ass, and that she doesn’t wear thongs, which was kind of turning me off a little. Her ass would probably look nice if she let it loose from those little girl panties that she wears. I like her lips though. But ultimately, she is wack and I can’t have her. I sat in her room until 2 A.M. We got to kissing before I left. I was going to go after the ass, but she was grabbing my hand when I put it up her shirt talking about she was ticklish. So I stopped and got ready to go home.

Saturday I stayed in the house all day until six when I went to The Garden State Plaza Mall in Jersey to go and get some batteries for my watches. The one Romeo bought me for graduation, I dropped it at a Biggie Smalls concert, and it hasn’t worked since. I never took the time to get a battery for it or go and get it checked out. I thought something else was wrong with it since I had dropped it, but turns out it just needed a battery. I bought another watch after that one broke, a Kenneth Cole Watch. So now I have two watches; a Seiko and a Kenneth Cole. Both are pretty nice watches, but the ultimate watch that I want to get around my wrist is a Mavado. Everyone, especially rappers go crazy over Rolex with diamonds in it. Rolex aren’t anything special but a name and a price, but Mavado has a unique look to it like it should cost what you pay for it.

Sunday I didn’t do anything but go to the grocery store to pick up a few items. I cooked at around 7 P.M., a boneless rib piece, some potatoes, and corn. I ate and started watching Surviving The game with Ice Tee  and Charles S. Dutton. I called Lauren for a second time around 12 A.M. I gets lonely in that apartment, and need someone there or someone to talk to. I guess that is why I have been trying to get someone to move in with me.

I haven’t had any luck with New York girls and starting relations with them so I gots to resort back to home. I would love to have Lauren around with her little sexy self. But if she doesn’t move with me them I guess I will just chill and wait to find a girl in N.Y. I’m not gonna get back with Sausha because that is not what I really want. She is lacking in a lot of areas as far as I am concerned. She seems strong and ready to move on with her life, so I’ll let her.

I started a melody to a song on Saturday with the guitar instrument off one of my disk. It’s gonna be like a slow beat, kind of funky. I think I should just follow my heart when it comes to creating songs, and stop being concerned with what is playing on the radio, and what the hottest rappers like DMX and Jay Z are blowing up with. If what’s in my heart doesn’t get me to where I want to be in Hip Hop, I guess it wasn’t meant to be. If I don’t get any production deals or if I don’t find a job that I’m interested in paying me well, I’ll probably move from New York. This place ain’t worth the head ache. I’ll probably move to Atlanta and live a simple life; that is probably when my production career will kick off if it doesn’t kick off in New York. I’ll probably always keep the dream alive of being a producer. I’m gonna go home today and finish that song I started or get most of it done.

I probably won’t call Lauren today since she says I am calling more than I have ever called. I wonder does she know what she was doing when she let me take those pictures. Maybe she did or maybe she didn’t, but whatever the case, I have them in my bathroom mirror, and I look at them and just think how nice it would be to have her by my side the way we used to be. I think I will give that advice out to women. If you want to keep yourself on a man’s mind, let him take some sexy pictures of you in thongs and what not. He will never forget you. Well he could forget you if he has a woman walking around the house on a regular in thongs providing him with good sex like how I had Rebecca; I had forgotten all about Lauren. It wasn’t until I was single again that I thought about Lauren again. But I thought I was over Lauren completely, but as you see I am not, and I guess I never will be, and with the pictures, I will probably never ever forget about her.

My dad is over 50 years old, and told me a story about a woman he used to date that he lost touch with when he moved to Florida from Warren. He says he still has thoughts about that woman. I will probably be like that about Lauren if she doesn’t come to stay with me. Sure I will move on, but in the back of mind will always be Lauren. I hope I don’t have to live like that. Most people do, and as fate will have it, I probably will too.

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