Jrnl Entry No. 3.9.2001

Watching the NAACP Image Awards where Bill Clinton was awarded an award for being a “Black President.” I saw one actress that I was very fond of, “Alfre Woodard”  get an award and kiss a white man before she went up to receive it. Now I have no problem with this on the surface. But deeper down there is a problem within African American people. We as men and women do not trust each other. Black women think that most black men are too broke to satisfy their financial needs. They think that we are players not to be trusted in a serious relationship. Black men see black women as money hungry broke hoes with attitudes. And these perceptions we have of each other, which are true in a lot of cases, is destroying us.

Have you ever seen Julia Roberts with a black man hangin’ off her arm at the Academy Awards? Have you ever seen Tom Cruise with a black woman on his arm at the Academy Awards? NO,you have never seen and probably never will see it. Those people stick with their brothers and sistas. And I’m sure Julia Roberts has been burned, dogged, etc. by white men, but yet in still she has not cast them astray when wanting to be in a relationship in her fame or as a regular ordinary white woman. The same for Tom Cruise and Bruce Willis (been dogged by white women), but who did they have on their arm at Academy Awards time, their white women wives Nicole Kiddman and Demi Moore.

Michael Jackson will never have a black woman hangin from his arm. Michael is either gay or afraid to have sex, (He’s weird because from age four he’s had people chasing after him ripping off his clothes.) but whatever the case he feels safer doing whatever he does with a white woman. And while I accept this weirdness and mental state of confusion to a point, I can’t excuse him wanting to look white and catering on a social level to mostly white and other non-blacks while continuing to make R&B traditional black music. Janet Jackson tries to keep it real by dating Puerto Ricans, though not white and close to light skin black, they still are not African American like her.

Black people, when we get some money, we see our own people as looking for hand-outs. Many people don’t hide the fact that they want something from you if you are well off. Many women make it obvious that they out for the dollars of a star or any man that will give it to them. And that is not just black women, but mostly all women. But because white women have been portrayed in a better light throughout American History, they are not marked as gold diggers the way sistas are, which is probably a reason famous football and basketball players marry white and get played just the same for that alimony and child support.

I really can’t come with any logical explanation why sistas with fame and money marry white men. Brothers don’t particularly go out looking for a woman with money, they just want the finest woman they can possibly get their hands on, and if she happens to be rich all the better. But whatever the reasons, men or women, we seem to be the only race that dates and marries frequently outside of race. Puerto Ricans even stick to they own, many of them won’t date black. Non-blacks are the majority of the population in the U.S. but still you see more of us than them dating and marrying outside of our ethic background. Here I am talkin all this about interracial marriage and dating, and I’ll probably end up dating and/or marrying a white woman.

I’ve been going to Barnes & Noble book store on Broadway and 66th St right across the street from Lincoln Center. They got a copy of Langston Hughes “Simple’s Uncle Sam” back into the store. I finished reading it. “Simple”, a fictional character of Langston Hughes was a real down to earth black man livin’ in Harlem. For some reason I can’t get enough of Langston Huges. I picked up a book of letters exchanged back and forth between he and Carl Van Vectchen, some man he met at some party who got him published and if it wasn’t for him, Langston probably wouldn’t have ever been.

I also saw a real picture of Langston. He was high yella with bad hair (naturally curly hair). You all know what privileges came along with being high yella with bad hair back in the day. This is probably why he met so many people and seen and done so many things, and probably one of the reasons Carl latched on to him and helped him out. Langston had a rival back in the day whose last name was Cullen. He was dark skinned with good hair (naturally African black and nappy hair). Now he wrote books, etc. but I’ve never heard of him probably neither have you.

I happen to think Langston was pushed and able to write plays, work for many newspapers, etc. because of the fact that he was high yella, and it helped him a great deal in life. But damn you can’t front on his writing talent. This guy was a genius at telling fictional stories / prose. Reading his fiction you’d swear it was coming from a lady or man who had these experiences with racism in life. Like “The Ways of White Folks.” While fictional, these stories actually happened to somebody during those times I know. And like “Simple”. “Simple” is all from Langston’s brain, but it’s so real of accounts about life and experiences of a black man. INCREDIBLE! Reading Langston and about him inspires me to stay in New York regardless of my money, women and social problems. He inspires me to keep on making my music and keep developing it in hopes that one day I’ll be discovered and much of my material will be put out for the real Hip Hop headz to love.

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