Jrnl Entry No. 7.13.2001

Yo, I can’t do whatever it is you are doing with me anymore. You’ve said it to me that we should just be friends. Well I’m sayin it for real. I mean it. And that’s not like, “hey, let’s go here and do this” friends. That’s see you when I see you, say hi, say bye.

See you say we just friends, but yet you want to come over my house and lay with me and claim you don’t want to leave because it feels so good. You want to wash my dishes, fold my clothes, cook for me and bring me food. You want to spend Saturday afternoons with me. You want to talk to me each day. You even want me to have a cell phone so that you can know where I’m at when I’m not with you.

Now pardon me if I’m takin’ all this out of context, but that sounds like shit that I’d be doin with my girl, not just someone I’m fuckin’. And since you make it clear to me that we just fuckin’ all this shit that we doin’ together has to stop. And since I have more respect for you and deem you worthy of more than just a fuck, we got to stop doin’ that also. And since I have more respect for myself and know I’m worthy of more than just a fuck, we got to stop.

Yeah, You like, you may even care, hell, may even love me, but you ain’t willing to show it like I want it to be shown. Maybe you like me a lot but there is something that you want that I don’t have. And since you told me when we first started talkin’ that you was still in love, and you always talkin’ about what ya’ll used to do, maybe you waitin’ on Queen’s dad to get his shit together so you can have a happy family. Or maybe you just young and havin’ fun doin’ you. Well, do you!

I’ll chill and do me. It ain’t me to want a young lady and she not want me back in the same fashion; she leaving me feeling like I got to convince her that I’m the nigga. If she can’t see that I’m the nigga, either I ain’t the nigga, or she blind and can’t see and it will be her loss.

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