Jrnl Entry No. 10.13.1999

I’m sitting here waiting for a summary of income statements to finish printing. I’m goin’ home tonight to see Sausha, to see Janelle. I’ll probably go and check Flynn out just to spend some time with him you know. I haven’t talked to him in a while. He’s probably doing nothing, fucking with some bitch from somewhere. I was thinking on my way home from lunch that Flynn has tow-motor experience, and probably could get a job working in the warehouse here at The Italian Job. But 1. They probably don’t need no more workers. 2. I remember him saying that he would not like to live in New York. I bet that him and Burton would love it up here; I mean all the boriquaz you could imagine and whatever else of light skin they may like. I mean madd shit to get into like Windexter used to say.

I don’t know of all the madd shit, but I’m learning a few spots. And take for example like Saturday night just hangin’ out at the party and watching the girls and cars go by was like fun on the really. I was just sitting there not ready to go home, chillin’ you know. Man the bitches up here is like, I don’t know, but whatever they like, I don’t like em’. One thing I do like though is seeing my people in places, ugly or not. I mean most women you see usually have a nice ass in some tight jeans, but it’s like sometimes they try to be too fly and just disturb my whole shit for em’. And the weaves and braids are ridiculous.

Sausha says she was getting hawked up here and I know why. She has that natural beauty, not flyness, but beauty: natural hair, natural skin, and a little sexy body to go with it. Guys like that naturalness in a woman. Girls here don’t understand the concept that a pair of nice fitting jeans, a nice quality pair of shoes or boots, and a nice fitting top, with pants and top showing off your curves a lot or a little is the sexiest outfit for little to no money. They try to get too fly here and half of them don’t got it and won’t get it.

Burton needs to move his ass up here, but I think he is scared; scared that he won’t get attention for his dreads for the most part. See, down there in Ohio he stands out because he looks like he is from here in New York. The same with Maxumus, he is in Warren with one of the best girls in town. I can’t say best looking because I haven’t seen her in a while. But I say one of the best because she is gainfully employed with car, apartment, owns a house and is trying to buy another one. She can be very beautiful when she wants to be. She has three kidz: two by my man Ceasar whom she would have married had he not died in a motor cycle accident. She just had a kid by Maxumus whom she has just had a thing for since I don’t know when. I guess she will stay with him also and probably get married.

Now for some reason I don’t think that Alissa is looked upon and judged for having three kidz. Let’s take a look at why. Well, mainly because of the things I mentioned about her up top. She is taking care of her business well. She is not living in the projects; seems to have it all figured out just the same as Lauryn Hill or any other independent woman. It’s not that you are judged for having three kidz; if you are going to birth three kidz into this world without no way to take care of them besides the Gov’t, it looks like bad planning on your part; therefore, yee shall be judged by some people.

But back to Maxumus for a moment; he is from Queens N.Y., but he seems to be havin’ a great time in Warren, Ohio. He is having a great time because he has that quality of being from New York, which makes him different from all the rest of the little people in Warren. He was or is a drug dealer which hoes seem to love in Warren. Now in N.Y. what would he be; a petty drug dealer out of the thousands and that is it. There would be nothing special about him. He would just be an average, short, bow-legged little nigga, and he is afraid of that. I don’t really know, but if he could be something else better in N.Y., why is he is Warren? I heard he was thinking of moving back to N.Y., but Alissa didn’t like the idea. I guess she is afraid to make a move also. She said that she wanted to move from Warren to Atlanta or N.Y. but she still remains. I don’t think she is afraid of losing any recognition that she has in Warren because all women need for recognition is an ass, some tidys and an average face, all of which she has; a beautiful face actually.

I guess mutha fuckaz is afraid to take chances and just make a more exciting life for themselves. Mutha fuckaz complain, complain, complain, but come opportunity to go, they stay put; nervous confined or a corner. Living in Warren is for the elderly. I’m especially seeing that since I’ve been living in N.Y. for the last three months. People over a certain age shouldn’t be allowed to live within one hundred miles of this place. But what age should that be? 55,60,65? It should all be for the young and middle age. People say this place is fast and they don’t like it. Well I guess the constant movement will scare some. You do have to be very aware of all your surroundings, especially while driving. If you daydream for one moment too long, you’re in an accident.

People complain about their children growing up around all of these buildings with no grass or yard to play in. I say just what I said when everybody was telling me that I didn’t want to live here. I said there are millions of people already there, if they can do it so can I. Millions of kidz have grown up there and turned out just fine, just as good as some of the ones I grew up with in Warren playing baseball and kickball in the Highland Holmes in the grass. Whether it’s fear to grow up and just make the best out of a different living situation or that the city is not for everyone, when you mention N.Y., Mutha fuckaz get frozen. I ain’t scared of this place. Fuck this place, I’m gon’ conquer his city like P Diddy!

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN SCARED TO MOVE: DIFFERENT JOB, DIFFERENT NEIGHBORHOOD, DIFFERENT CITY, DIFFERENT STATE? WHY?

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