Jrnl Entry No. 9.27.2002

Watrina is getting on my nerves as of late where I’m thinking to just let that shit go and chill. She doesn’t really care about a relationship. She is just goin with the flow of things. I’m about to get on that shit also. I’ve limited my calls to her and my asking her to come and visit me. The past two weekends that her daughter has gone with her father, we haven’t spent them together. The first time because I had Haitie over my house spending the night at my house for a second night to dig the ass out, and what a nice thick, round ass it was. If she had a better job, she’d be in the running to take me away from Watrina especially since Watrina doesn’t seem to care about our relationship all that much at times.

I’m always getting upset, or telling myself to chill about some shit she is not doin’ to my liking. She is just not sweatin’ me enough that’s all it really is and I don’t like that. She seems as if she doesn’t care if I stay or go and I don’t like that. And all she does is fuel my insecurity about her passion in and for this relationship, which is why I got other bitches.

As far as my job goes, I’ve gotten better at it in the last three months. My new boss has shown me some things, or rather I’ve revealed some things to myself in the absence of Laudi. He knew everything so there really was no need to go searching for things like I’ve had to since he left. If you ask me, he was a hindrance to my progression here at the company.

So now at the same time while I kind of like my new boss, she is getting on my nerves. She is diggin’ into old shit and wants me to find the details behind it so that she can clear it up. And granted, that is her job, but damn, slow down, get into the groove of the basic job before you start diggin’ into other shit. She wants to change the process of how everything is working around here all the way down to the computer software that we use. Like for journal entries, she wants a description line for every item in the journal entry. I told her it doesn’t work like that but she wants to see anyway and look into it to see if she can make a way or find a way. I’ve been working with this system for six months, and you have been working with it for one month. I don’t know everything about the system, but I do know that little bit because I tried it due to the fact, just like her, I was able to do that task with the journal entries at another company. In a way I need to be like her and dig into my job like that. She is a little bug-a-boo I tell you man. And she is short too, which makes it worse.  I guess her detail oriented-ness is fueled by little man’s syndrome. She is little so she has to make up for it using other things like doing her job as detailed and perfect as possible. I know she is just trying to do her job well, but at times she gets on my nerves asking for shit.

Everybody seems to be leaving this job. In the last year since 2002, the guy whose place I took, left; my old supervisor left; this cool white guy who was an accounting manager of some sort, left; the AP/AR manager is leaving; and Shaleece is leaving. Like I said, I’m tryin’ to stay for five years and then leave if the money is not right, but if they make the money right, I’ll stay a little longer. But knowing these sucka ass companies like I seem to, by five years end, I’ll probably only be making $50K when I’ll want to be making $60-$65K, and Watrina will be making millions with her clothing company or $80K at her job if she stays there.

I gave the executive in charge of producing commercials a sample CD of my music for possible use in a commercial or two in the future. My guess is that nothing will come of it even though she is talking all optimistic to me like maybe I’ll get my music in a commercial sooner than I think. She mentioned something to me about working for a productions company when I handed her the CD. I wonder is she talking about part time or full time, and if she knows I’m a fulltime salary employee here at this company and I won’t leave my job unless I got a$500,000 advance in my hand and then maybe still not. She, like everyone else probably thinks I’m some young punk who is running around trying to find his place in life. I’m only trying to find my place in the music industry, every other place I pretty much have in order.

Man I look so young. I am – years old and these people around here are telling me I look — to –. This girl said to me that she never would have thought I was older than she, and she is –. She says I better start acting more mature, which I don’t know what she means. She don’t even know me, so I think she is goin off of my baby face alone. I mean how much more mature can I get? I got a full time career job, I got my own apartment that I cook and clean in and pay my rent on time every month. I got my own car that I pay for every month. I got women of all ages. She said that I run around here acting silly, laughing and talking loud, and that is not the case. The gay guy, Gaylynn is silly and loud all the time, way more than me and he is 38.

I don’t know what it is. I’ve grown a little mustache and a goat- t. I dress up in nice casual clothing occasionally, I keep my hair trimmed and shaped up, but yet, I can’t get over these people labeling me as a – year old. But I ain’t worried about it really too much because I have a main woman, and I pay my bills and have a place of my own to live so fuck what they think as long as I got pussy, food, clothing, and shelter, THE FOUR ESSENTIALS OF LIFE! I have no complaints except for being kind of broke, but everything else is peace.

I was so lonely when I first moved here it wasn’t funny. I was jacking off twice a week to fulfill my sexual desire, now I’m having sex four times a week, so that part of my life is great now. I make more money on this job, but my bills are getting higher. My gas and light bill are higher right now due to my mom and Janelle and Aderale staying with me for a month. I’ve also noticed that I leave lights on more than I used to so that is also a problem. My phone bill is getting higher from Watrina and me occasionally dialing *69. But soon, I’ll have all in check. I’ve started a savings plan of $50 a month, which I’ve done for the last three months.

I’m gonna combine that money with a skipped car note and get me a CD burner because Medeline hasn’t been there for me to make CDs. I don’t know what is up with that nigga. He has been acting funny lately. It’s almost like he don’t want to be cool with me anymore. I told him that Watrina wanted some of his CDs to give to people that she meet and he hasn’t given me any. I told him I wanted to do a CD with him and his man and me to give to the lady here at my job for the commercial music and he didn’t return my call. I’m tryin’ to help the dude out and be down with him as well because I think he has a talent for this producing thing. But if he don’t want to be down with me, I’ll stop calling him.

In fact I’m about to stop calling everybody. No one calls me so I ain’t callin’ nobody. I seem to always want to think of my friends and call them to see how they are doin’, but no more. I don’t get a call from a friend, a friend won’t get a call from me. Niggas don’t think about me so I won’t think about them. I guess it’s time to move on with life and stop tryin’ to keep old high school ties and old college ties. Like with my friend Rally Wallsworth. I’ve known this cat since Kindergarten. I’ve called this cat many times over the years but never has he called me once since we been out of high school and he had been at Ohio University for school. He had this girlfriend up there and they were together like 5 years and then she broke up with him. She was a good girl, the kind you marry and cheat on because she is not sexy or freaky enough but she holds down a good job and will be a good mother to your children. She dumped him for this older guy who was in Med School. I guess she was looking for a more stable future than Rally could provide because he was barely making it through college, paying for it on his own, and due to a child support bill taking his money for a kid he had by some other chick while he was with his girlfriend when they had been together for like 2 or 3 years at the time and she forgave him for that shit I guess. But anyway, if I don’t talk to him anymore I’ll see him in Warren on a holiday or something one day and we’ll hug and talk, but fuck that callin’ shit. If you don’t call me, I ain’t callin’ you.

WAS THERE A TIME YOU HAD A BAD BOSS? IT WAS 2002, PEOPLE STILL WERE NOT CALLING PEOPLE! WHY DON’T FRIENDS AND FAMILY CALL EACH OTHER?

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