Back off of the Christmas weekend. I spent the whole weekend
in N.Y. Friday I went and did some shopping at this mall in Jersey that I knew
how to get to compliments of Melonie. I had a $50 gift certificate at The Gap
given to me by my supervisor for Christmas. I wouldn’t have been able to drive
in Manhattan and park my car during the day so I figured I’d go to Jersey to a
mall and maybe shout at some honeys.
While in the Gap I saw this beautiful little honey walk in.
She was short and petite. She had braids in her hair, but they were in a bun.
Now you know how I talk about weave and braids, that I don’t like them, but she
had that face that just struck me as unique and beautiful. I gave her a second
look and decided that I’d talk to her. I got on line to buy my two shirts.
After I made the purchase, I went looking for her. She was in line standing by
herself. So I starts walking toward her and I’m looking at her. She gave me a
glance, and I walked on by being scared you know. But then I circle back and
walks up and starts talking to her; getting the usual info: name, age, etc. She
was twenty six. I was like thank god because I keep running into 22 yr olds.
Some how I asked the kill yourself question of did she have a boyfriend. She
said yes. I talked to her about a minute more and then went about my way,
biding her a nice day, and a “it was nice meeting you.”
I figure I’d walk around the mall some more and see what I
could see. At this one particular time I seen this girl and she struck me
because her face looked sexy; make-up well done, not too much, not too little.
As I was looking at her she licked her lips and that struck a nerve. I was
walking in the opposite direction. I didn’t even think, I just grabbed her. I
kind of shocked her. We talked for a minute, and I got the info that she was 22
working for an advertising agency in Manhattan. She graduated from college, and
that she already had someone sticking dick to her on a regular. I started
walking around some more. I really didn’t see too many girls that I wanted to
talk to after that so I started looking for the exit that I entered into, which
I couldn’t find for like an hour.
When I left the mall, I stopped over Melonie’s house, but
she wasn’t home. I then returned home. I went out to Club Speed. I saw about
three or four girls in there that I wanted to talk to. There was this bad, body
bangin’, sexy ass woman in there that I approached. She was West Indian I
guess. She had a heavy accent. She was bullshitting me. First she told me that
she was 28 then 30. She told me she was a cop in N.Y. Then she told me that she
lived in Jamaica. I said “Jamaica, Queens?” She said, “no, Jamaica.” So I says
you just told me you were a cop in N.Y. She burst out laughing. I asked her why
she was trying to bullshit me? She got around to telling me that she was just
at the club with her friend and wasn’t trying to meet anyone. She was telling
me how the guys in that club had no class. They come and grab and touch on you
out of the blue. I asked her how was my class rating? She said it was
excellent, but she wasn’t interested in getting to know me better. After her I
talked to another girl I had spotted earlier and she turned me down with the “I
have a boyfriend line.” I went home.
Oh, I saw Melonie in the club and she was looking sexy. She
danced with me and I asked her why had she been avoiding me? She said she
wasn’t. She stopped dancing with me to go to the bathroom, and told me to wait
there and she’d be back. She grabbed her friend and left. I said to myself, “if
she is just goin’ to the bathroom, why did she take her girl with her?” I
figured she wasn’t coming back. I waited there like 10 minutes and then walked
away. I spotted her on the other side of the club. I didn’t look at her though.
I could see her out the corner of my eye. I just stood there and waited to see
if she was going to come up to me. She didn’t. So I was like fuck her then. I
seen her a little while later by the area where she told me to wait for her. I
said, “so you back from the bathroom now?” She said yes, and I just kept on
As I was on my way home, I was thinking about Melonie, how I
could probably get into her because I love a sexy woman. I called her when I
got home and told her it was nice to see her , and I told her to call me
tomorrow. She called and we had a cool little conversation as she was on her
way to her mom’s house for dinner. I called her the next day and left a message
on her answering machine that I wanted to see her that day. She never called
back, so now I’m pretty much like fuck her again. At first it seemed like she
was all on my nuts and ready to jump into this relationship. Now, it’s like
she’s playing this game. And you know how I don’t tolerate games. So like I
told myself, she has until New Years. If I am not fucking by New Years or close
to it, she is dropped. I ain’t got time to be chasing after some pussy.
Me, Ricardo and Kenny went and hung out that Sunday. I
thought these cats wanted to go to a club and chill. No, they wanted to ride
around all night from club to club and catch the hoes going inside.
Excuse my language, I very much respect ladies, but when I’m
writing or talking with my niggaz, I ain’t got time to sound politically
correct, so fuck you and your thoughts of that is how I view women. I love
women, especially those who love me back.
But any way we rode by The
Tunnel and seen a couple of hot girls going inside. Around there is really
no place to stop your car because the cops swarm the place. They didn’t really
want to get out of the car because they were talking about how niggaz try to
rob you. We rode around The Tunnel like three times and then headed for CLUB NEW YORK. Now, Club N.Y was off
the hook, line outside and plenty of sexy fine asses walking up and down the
street, especially after they announced that it would cost $50 – $150 to get
I was having like the time of my life out there. I must have
hollered at about six girls, and no one really gave me any rhythm. This one
girl, I gave her my number after joking with her for a while. I doubt if she
will call though. We out there like for two three hours. Now Kenny and Ricardo
were hollering at hoes from my car window expecting girls to stand there in the
cold and talk to them. I told them no one is going to talk to you that way. So
Ron and I started walking toward the line. I talked to a few girls on my way
there, while I was in line, while we were walking away, when we got back to the
car and honeys were walking toward the club. I was talking to every girl that I
liked something about. That’s another thing I love about this city; the women,
even though most won’t give you a number and let you call and get to know them,
it is just beautiful to see so many of them on a regular basis when a club spot
is hoppin’ off. I had big fun last night just talking with various young ladies
and getting nothing back. I don’t know if it’s a good thing to be seeing so
many nice shaped asses right in front of your face, when you jump at the chance
to get to know them, they turn you down.
Well Caroline, the 30 year old woman at work who is dating a
23 year old young man, she got engaged to him on Christmas. She keeps herself
tight and I would probably marry her also. She is a fine woman. She came into
work telling her story this morning and everyone was listening. I wonder how
Sheila feels with her four kidz not being married at age 32. I tell you black
people are so backwards. I bet she feels like shit because I think she is with
the guy who she just had her last baby by and he probably ain’t thinking about
marrying her, ain’t even mentioned it. He’s just enjoying that tube tyed ass
for the moment. And maybe he will marry her I don’t know. See Sheila is like
Sausha. But she has four kidz. She looks beautiful on occasions. She is a very
beautiful woman: natural long pretty black hair, nice big ass with a gut to go
with it compliments of her kidz. She comes to work with her hair done about
once a month. Her gear for the most part is cheesy and cheap because she can’t
afford anything better with four kidz.
Now Caroline who has no kidz, she is like sexy everyday like
I like it. I just look at Sheila sometimes and say to myself, “look at this
stupid bitch with all these kidz.” I don’t feel sorry for her at all. She made
the decision to be a humanitarian and have all them damn kidz, so that is her
problem. If she didn’t have so many kidz or just one, maybe she’d be married by
now or close to it. I don’t know what women be thinkin’ when they have kidz without
a ring on there hand. It baffles me every time I think about it.
Now take Caroline for example. She is fine, and I know
someone probably busted some nuts in that ass and got it pregnant, or maybe,
just maybe she has been good with her birth control method or methods all these
years. Whatever the case, she has kept herself beautiful and kidless, and now
she will get married have kidz and probably live happily ever after. And in the
end, if she gets a divorce and is left with a kid, I don’t think her husband
will abandon his kidz and even if he does at least she can say she tried to
make it work the right way in a union with someone.
What can a single bitch say when she has two or three kidz;
nothing but “I was stupid.” And single mothers hurt themselves as well as the
man who tries to stick around and at least be involved in his childs life. They
hurt themselves because they are less mobile now with a child to think about,
and probably less attractive to some men. They hurt the father of the child by
taking a good portion of his money that he could be buying a home with or
saving for retirement, or just enjoying life with. So single parenting hurts
everyone involved in some way, even the child. But humanitarians will be what
they are, willing to sacrifice a good portion of their life for a life that
they are not well prepared to take care of. STUPID!
And speaking on this marriage subject, let us talk about Darry.
Now I met Darry here at work. He was cool. He has a girlfriend he had been with
for three years. She was pregnant when I met him. He had mentioned that he was
going to marry her. But then all of sudden he comes to work talking about he
was getting married next month. Now something don’t sound right to me. He’s
acting like it was a union that was bound to happen someday anyway. But I think
that nigga was forced to marry her a little early by her parents and/or his. He
don’t even have a place for them to stay. Now if I’m gonna get married, I damn
sure am going to have a place for me and my wife and kid to be born to stay. This
nigga was giving me a speech on not talking to anyone I won’t consider
marrying. This nigga trys to talk all mature like he had all the answers. His
girl mentioned that to me one day how he talks like a father figure. I see what
she meant the minute he started talking that shit to me and I am older than he
is. I guess it’s a Aries thing to try and be more mature than you really are,
and look and talk to everyone else like they are a kid. Lauren used to try that
“you ain’t ready for me” shit and Victoria used to always talk and laugh about
shit I like to do like it was immature. I had to tell her “yeah, I’m so
immature but you trying to get your college degree, a job, an apartment or house
and car. I got all this, but I’m immature.”
Yeah, I think that nigga Darry just trying not to have his
child be born out of wed-lock. Maybe he did it on his own or was forced.
Whatever the case, I don’t think he is really ready to be married. He is
convincing himself that he is.
I made a bangin’ track on Christmas night. I have made three
songs in the last three weeks. There is something about my production that I
don’t like, and then there is something bout it that I do like. I seen RED ALERT last night. I was going to
talk to him but he had an entourage of niggaz standing around him. I had made a
new tape to hand out last night. I was talking to this white girl named Olga.
She was telling me her boyfriend was an engineer in Hip Hop. I ended up giving
her my tape. She said her boyfriend doesn’t even listen to tapes. I told her to
listen to it and if she likes it to give it to him. It probably won’t result in
anything. I was thinking that I shouldn’t have given her my tape in the first
place, but oh well.
I’m here at work and no bosses will be here until like
Thursday. I have a little work to do but I’ll probably write my thoughts like
these all week. Sausha sent me a letter talking about how I didn’t really love
her. I am searching for perfection and nothing is perfect. She says that she
can’t be as beautiful as I would like her to be right now but one day she will
be. And that is exactly my point. I don’t have time to wait on you because your
life is fucked up compliments of your three kidz by the same daddy who is in
jail. By the time you get your life together, I hope to be completely happy,
not just starting to be happy with you after some years of suffering and
sacrificing for your kidz. I love her but I can’t do it. I’m broke, she broke,
and we can’t help each other. I need to be in unison with someone who can bring
more than just sex and a companionship to the table. I’m realizing that now,
and that is what I’m going for.