Tag: Long Distance Relationships

Jrnl Entry No.10.21.1999

I need some pussy. I wonder if women get horny like this and start telling themselves that they need some dick. Yeah, they do and probably just as frequently as we do even though studies or surveys show that men think about sex like 40 times an hour and women think about it like 4 times an hour or something like that; its some ole ridiculous ratio.

My dick has been hard all week. I’ve been thinking about eating Sausha’s cute little pussy. I love when I have her legs pinned up and knees damn near touching the bed and I just hold them there and fuck the pussy so nicely. I usually come that way. I pull my dick out and just nut all over her chest . The last two weeks, I had so much nut backed up that it almost squirted into her face. She said she saw it shoot like a waterfall. There was a line of sperm from her belly button to her neck.

Sausha’s skin is so soft. I love her soft little body, her tidies, the way she keeps her pussy shaved is just so attractive. When I make love to Sausha I try and lick every spot on her body: the crack of her ass, her toes, her elbows, her ears, just every little part I can think of. By time I get done with giving her foreplay and enjoying the site of her body, my dick is so hard and dripping with pre-cum. When I finally get into the pussy, it feels extraordinary. Her pussy is soft and wet and ready also and we just make love and gradually move into this fast motion until I just explode.

Sometimes I call for her to get on top or to flip over so I can get it from the back. I’m usually so worked up and just so happy to be in the pussy I don’t even want to take my dick out or stop the motions to change positions. We usually save the positions for the second or third round. I usually don’t give her a chance to give me any foreplay and she usually doesn’t take charge to do so. Every once in a while I turn over on my back and let her do a little work. She kisses my nipples and my neck. She works her way down to my dick and grabs it with her mouth. I love that, to have my dick sucked with no hands when she first puts it into her mouth. She not a pro at sucking dick, but just to have it in her mouth feels so good when she does do it. She kisses her way back up my chest. I grab her and get into a french kiss lock, flip her over and maybe I’ll eat the pussy for a little bit them I’ll take the head of my dick and move it around her clitoris. She loves when I do that. Sometimes she grabs my dick and start working it herself, and she’ll move it around until she comes or she’ll tell me to just fuck her. I love when she talks dirty to me and tells me to fuck her harder. She hasn’t said anything like that in a while. I can’t wait to get my dick in her soft little ass.

Sometimes I think that I should get me a little fuck bitch around here to fuck once or twice a week, but I just say knawl. I kind of like going home to Sausha with two weeks of come backed up in my dick because the pussy feels so good, and when I do come it feels unexplainable.

I kind of cheated this week though because I jacked off two nights in a row before I went to bed  Sun and Mon. You know I used to think that I couldn’t jack off. But one day I did it. I was over Rebecca’s house when she had the apartment in Youngstown, and she was at work. I popped in a porno movie called “Stick It In My Ass” and I went to town. I started thinking about all the freaky shit Rebecca and I used to do and the shit they were doing in the movie, and I started jacking off harder and faster. I could feel the come building up, and then I just came. Even though I had Rebecca, when she was gone I would pull out a movie and jack off. When I jack off to this day I can only think of Rebecca; how she used to always wear thongs; just around the house she’d be in t-shirt and a thong. I loved to see her big thick ass, and I would just crab the ass and fuck it anytime. Rebecca and I would always be on some sex shit. She would play with my dick at the movies, riding in the car; just sitting at home, she’d grab my dick and start sucking it.

I did everything with Rebecca. I just think of all the shit and her thick ass busting out of a thong and just bust a nut in my hand. I think I’ve mentioned before that Rebecca made me a freak. She’s the one who started me to eating pussy. After her, I needed to eat the pussy during foreplay to turn me on. Now, I’ve been with four girls since Rebecca, and with Lauren during being with Rebecca, so I haven’t ate that much pussy. I know Sausha is thankful. The way and as often as I eat her pussy is all due to Rebecca.

I think one of the reasons I sort of get so horny is because of this woman at work named Caroline. She is so fine to me, like everything I want my woman to be on the outside. She dresses tight everyday for work. She looks just tight; wears everything I love for a woman to wear: pants suits, skirt suits, hot pants, jeans (those fly little jean and boot outfits that I love with the nice fitting sweaters), dresses, shoes. I like everything she wears. And she has a tight little body also. Her ass is spread just wide enough. Her tidies are like Sausha’s, just big enough, I would love to make a fantasy night with her of going out talking, maybe dinner, a movie, and then home to have sex. It would be love to see her naked and to enjoy a sexual experience with her. Sometimes I look at her and just say to myself “I would love to just fuck her so nicely.” She is 30 with a 25 year old boyfriend whom she says is mature. I can believe that. I saw him at the company picnic and he looks thirty. When he shook my hand, he shook it all hard, which says to me that he is a little insecure about his man hood, trying to prove he’s strong. I know he tears Caroline’s ass out thoroughly.

Back to the firm hand shake business: I remember at Circle K when I was introduced to this lady at work. She was about late 30s early 40s, tall and kind of sexy for her age. She wore mid thigh mini skirts often and she had long legs. I would have loved to fuck her also. Anyway, when I met her she shook my hand all firmly, like snatched my arm up. She was telling me through her hand shake that our meeting was all business, no soft stuff, don’t think about it.

WHEN YOU’RE HORNY OR MASTERBATING, WHO OR WHAT PRESENT/PAST PERSON/SEXUAL INCIDENT(S)DO YOU THINK ABOUT?

Jrnl Entry No. 9.10.1999

Well another Friday here and another weekend that I’ll be returning home to Warren, Ohio.

I went to the Lincoln Center last night to be around the Mtv Music Awards hype. People were all out on the block hanging out to get hand outs from record companies and whoever else. If you didn’t purchase a ticket to be on the bleachers where you could see the celebrities as they exited their limos, you could not see anything. I guess some people drove by the block and showed their faces through their limo window. If you think about it, its kind of silly. What and the hell do I need to view a star for. It’s childish to me, but people really go and stand out there in hopes of viewing a celebrity.

I went out there to see if I could meet a girl and just to look at the people standing around, just to view the scene and have something to do. One thing you learn about standing out there is about people and how much they want to know. I mean they jump at anything being handed out. It’s almost like they fiend for a handout. People were handing out things that looked like a little credit card carrier, and it turned out to be just a subway map that folds into a card board cover with HBO printed on the outside. I also went out there to see if by chance I would run into or speak to someone about my production career, but I saw no one.

I did do one thing I set out to do and that was talk to someone. Her name was Marlo. She was handing out post cards advertising T-Boz’s book of poems. She was probably late 20s or early 30s. I asked her age, but she said that silly shit older women think is cute I guess “its rude to ask a woman her age.” She was talking back to me but she didn’t really seem interested in talking. I got that she had her own advertising firm; she was from L.A. She has been in NY for a year or has been running her firm for a year, one of the two. She had a nice ass bustin’ out of a mid thigh mini skirt, black in color. I let her go about her way to my regret. I was looking for her to ask if I could get to know her better, but she was gone in the wind. She was my type of woman with natural hair, not much make-up or none at all, and like I said before, a monster ass. So I let the thought of her go.

Before Marlo, before I even reached the spot, two stops in a row on the train came two women I considered beautiful. The first one was shorter than me, and she had natural hair, kind of long, which was twisted up into some style that I liked. She had beautiful natural skin, like a smooth dark caramel. She had on a loose outfit so I couldn’t see the ass or anything like that. She just caught my eye with her face really. I’m sure the rest was there underneath those clothes. Then the next stop walked in another girl I thought was beautiful. She was tall, kind of thick with just the right amount of ass and tidies. She was also wearing her natural hair in a ponytail. She had a smoother, a little lighter caramel skin than the other girl. She was wearing a pair of semi-tight jeans, not too tight, not too loose, and she had on a tight fitting tank like top. So I’m just sitting there with a little smirk on my face and I say to myself “what is this my lucky day?” I don’t think that a crowded train is a great place to be trying to spark a (can I get your number) conversation. I said to myself, “self, if they get off at my stop then I will approach the tall one.” When my stop came I didn’t see either one of them start to move so that was that.

I gets off at Lincoln Center and the first thing I am handed when I come from underground is two calendars: The Hip Hop Calendar of 1999, both men and women versions. Funny because just last week I was reading about the women’s one in a Big Lez article. I ain’t gonna even mention the other people in it because Big Lez who is on December with Christmas Lingerie on takes the whole calendar. Her body looked so smooth. She is so thick. From looking at that picture, I would like to see her in person. From reading her article I found out that she is a little shorter than I thought. But besides her body, Big Lez doesn’t really do anything for me like Elise Neal, Suzanne Douglass, Nia Long; these women in my eyes are love, Lez is just a sexual fantasy, which could turn into love with time maybe or maybe not.

When I got home from work yesterday, there was a letter from Sausha in the mail box talking about our break up because she wants to be going out with her “so called” friend Teau. She called him late on a Sunday night and they went out riding or where ever. Then when I found out about that I got mad, she calls herself mad even after I tried to say forget about it, and she goes out with him again after I called and asked her out and she told me no. So this feels final to me because I have no urge to call her. Her and this guy have been in a little relationship before having sex and what not. But she says it didn’t feel right so they stopped. Yeah, it didn’t feel right after numerous times, going to hotels and shit like that. See, when she first told me this I thought that they had sex once and decided not to do it again because they felt they were too good of friends. But she was telling me one day how they used to go to hotels. I felt a little funny then about their on going friendship while she was supposed to be my girlfriend but I let it slide and said fuck it. But now I’m out of town and she’s going out with this cat, and she has been starting to look sexier and sexier to me so I know how she looks to him. And plus she knows that he wants to have sexual relations or have her as his anyway.

She want me to accept her going out “just a friend” with a guy who is hot for her. DO I LOOK LIKE BIZ MARKIE? I don’t think so. So in my mind, even though, I will not tell her this; in my mind, it’s him or me. Just like when Victoria and her – not have sex with me – decision; it was either no sex or me. She chose no sex. I just express my unhappiness with the situation, and if you are gonna just keep on fighting for your stance, I’m out, especially when I can go and get me someone new and maybe better.

Bottom line is, my woman ain’t gonna be running around town with a guy who has no known girlfriend to my knowledge, who wants my woman to be his. Fuck that. I don’t give a fuck what she says, I ain’t doing it, not from 400 miles away I ain’t. I wanted to be with Sausha but I ain’t dealing with this shit. She can go out with Teau all she wants and won’t have to answer to no one.

HAVE YOU EVER HAD A GIRLFRIEND WHO HAD “JUST A FRIEND” MALE BUT YOU FELT THEY WERE FUCKING BEHIND YOUR BACK, ESPECIALLY IF YOUR RELATIONSHIP BECAME LONG DISTANCE?