Jrnl Entry No. 12.6.1999

I gets home from Warren last night about 12:20 A.M. I figured I’d ride through the city to try and find me two boot leg CDs. I was gonna get Rakim and Raekwon. Yeah, that’s right boot leg. I told myself, especially since I got bills now and no money, that I am not spending another dollar on Hip Hop CDs until I make some cash in the rap game as a producer or rapper. I have been rapping and shit since I was 14; that is twelve years. Its time for Hip Hop to support me a little. At the least pay off my car or credit card or something.

So I’m riding down around Times Square but I don’t see anybody with any CDs on the streets. I passes by 43rd St. and I see a crowd of people and cars lined up. I decides to ride down the street and I sees mad bitches and niggas lined up to get into this club. I tell you that is the shit I love about New York. You just ride down the street on a particular night and you can run into a fat ass party going down till 4 A.M. in the morning. The spot was called Club New York. I guess it was hot for the night.

I went and parked my car on 39th Street and walked back up to 43rd Street. I walks by and stands outside the party. I’m seeing Yukon Danali’s, Navigators, Acks, Benz V12 600s. Just as I was about to leave because I didn’t have the $20 or $30 that I know it cost to get in, I seen CLUE and a bunch of niggaz following him walking up. Now DJ CLUE is like a house hold name in Hip Hop. I’m just looking at the Nigga like an ass hole. I don’t know what was going through my mind. I leave the spot and goes back to my car because I gots to go to work in the morning. As I’m walking back, I’m thinking to myself “damn, I should have said something to that Nigga about me being a producer trying to get on.”

Its like when I see these people, I’m at a lose for words. I prepared me a little speech last night though. Its goes a little something like this. “ A Yo CLUE whats up? How You? I’m a producer trying to get on in this industry. Why don’t you do me a favor and take my tape. If you like it and think you can help me give me a call. If you don’t like it, don’t call and I’ll see you again. I know you don’t know me but can you do that for me?”

I’ve been trying to figure out a way to approach niggaz every since I got here. I’ve seen Funk Master Flex, Lord Finesse, Grand Master Dee of Whodini.  I talked to DJ Premier, but I didn’t ask him to help me out. I just ask him how do I go about getting on as a producer. He told me to go to the clubs. I’ve been to a couple of clubs and seen nobody. When I did see the couple of people I mentioned above, I didn’t know what to say to them. I talked to DJ Big Kap but he brushed me off real quick because I really didn’t know what to say to him. I tried introducing myself to him, told him my name and shit and asked can I talk to him.

You got to get at these niggaz at least as an introduction. You got to get straight to the point, and that might not even get you nowhere. Just get at em every time you see somebody. When you see em again, holla at them again. After a year or two, people will notice you and see that you are determined and will maybe help out. THAT’S WHAT I GOT TO DO! TIME IS MONEY!

Jrnl Entry No. 12.3.1999

So I meets Melonie last night in Time Square. We met an hour later than what we planned because she didn’t know where the Virgin Mega Store was. It’s funny about these people here in N.Y. and around surrounding areas, that they don’t venture out and see more of what the city has to offer. People who live in Queens, stay in Queens; people who live in Brooklyn, stay in Brooklyn and etc. I told her lets meet in Times Square so she says “42nd Street.” I say “yeah, 42nd Street” because that is like the point where you see all the Times Square lights. I was also under the impression that she knew where the Virgin Megastore was. It was not exactly on 42nd St, but like a little down from 45th St. on Broadway. I assumed wrong, and at like 10:30 P.M. I starts walking down toward 42nd St. to see if she would be walking around down there. When I got in front of ESPN Zone where we were supposed to be going anyway, I sees her. So she is walking by and I am like staring in her face trying to get her attention. Finally as she was about to walk past me I said something to get her attention. She said that she has been driving around since like 9:30 P.M. trying to find the store and a parking space.

She didn’t smile or anything when she saw me. We were right in front of the ESPN Zone so we went in. I offered to buy her dinner since I figured she hadn’t eaten because she said she was going to Spanish class after work, then home to change and then to meet me. So we are walking into the restaurant and she still hasn’t cracked a smile and she is talking in this serious tone of voice. I’m steady trying to get a smile out of her some how. I mean I’m not a comedian or anything so it was hard. I thought that if I smiled at her while I was talking to her that she would smile at me when she was talking but no, not at first. But as we sat down to eat dinner, we talked a little more and I even asked about her seriousness. She said that was just her personality and that I shouldn’t be bothered by it. As we talked a little more she loosened up a little.

Now Melonie has a natural little curly fro that she wears parted and slicked to each side like in the front, and there is just an afro puff at the back. Before her hair grew I guess she had a ceasar. She keeps her fro tight and I like that. I’ve always wanted to get with someone who sported a natural. Melonie is very small and petite with two little round tidys that will fit right into mouth just like I used to do Lauren and she used to love it. She has a cute little round ass as I’ve mentioned before that I saw when I met her. She had on a tight fitted black and white waist length leopard print shirt with a purse to match; some tight black jeans I think, and some cute boots to hook it all together. I didn’t want to stare too hard at her outfit, but I could tell it was very sexy and I liked it. I didn’t get a chance to peep the ass because she had on a knee length coat with the sheep hair around the collar and sleeves. The one chance I had to peep the ass was when she went to the bathroom. The only problem was that I was sitting the opposite way. I couldn’t just turn around and start looking at her ass as she walked away. I started to but caught myself and said forget it. I’d see it another time.

I think Melonie has all the right stuff as far sexiness goes. She says she wears Victoria Secret around the house and not some bullshit. She dresses very sexy to me from the two outfits that I’ve seen her in. She wears thong underwear, which I noticed at the club. She’s cute in my book. She is not beautiful, but cute. I think that is part of my problem with women. No, it’s not a problem, but it goes like this.

I don’t really see too many beautiful black women popping up into my view. When I say beautiful, I’m talking about love at first sight beautiful. See with Melonie it’s like a, she is sexy and I think she would turn me on, type of thing. So when she is not turning me on with her sexiness or if the pussy isn’t just drop dead good, I won’t be thinking about her. That is how I was with Sausha. I liked her tidys and her naturalness, but really nothing else. The pussy wasn’t to die for so when I wasn’t about to get in the ass, I really wasn’t thinking about her too much. Well, I thought about her, but not a “I love her so much” type of thing. Or like with Lauren, it was a “I can’t wait to get back into the ass and bust another nut in it.” I cared about Sausha, I loved her too, but not dreamy kind of love. And I think dreamy kind of love is the love that last. The love I had for Samantha. The love I had for Lynaye that never came to be because she just didn’t let it for some reason. That is probably the problem with most relationships and even marriages; it is not true dreamy love. The relationship is for another reason like sex, money, a companion or friend. Both parties just don’t, to die for, love each other. Most people never find that love. I probably won’t find that love, But anyway.

I cant wait to get into Melonie’s little pussy. I hope she is a freak and introduces me to some ole next shit! She seems like a nice girl, and if all the right things are in place we may last a while. I’m worried about one thing though. She doesn’t have any kidz. She told me that she was on birth control. I think bitches know that once they say that, a nigga can’t wait to bust a big ole wet hot nut in their ass. She doesn’t have a lot of loot. She is working to support herself. She said that she didn’t want kidz right now, and that a woman only gets pregnant if she wants to, but she slipped and said something last night. She told me that she was in a relationship for six years with this guy. They broke up because he started treating her mean. Then she said “thank god no kidz came out of it.”

Me personally I don’t want any more kidz. But see with her it wouldn’t hurt her to have a kid and tell me to marry her or break up with me and get five hundred dollars in child support. So even still and though, when you in some good hot wet pussy, all that logic goes out the door sometimes. I hope I can keep both my headz straight. I forgot to ask Melonie where is her job headed as far as career. Cause like I said I’m tired of messing with hoes who jump from job to job. Melonie seems like she has focus and direction, but with no college degree, what she may be focusing on may be a long shot like my music production career. I’m out.