I’m about at my witts end with studying for the CPA Exam. My brain cannot learn anymore. I wanted to take the last part of the exam by May 26, 2010, but because I do not understand the last chapter of the study guide and I got 55% of the homework questions WRONG, and I can’t seem to concentrate and learn the material, there is no way I can learn it and re-review the other four chapters, one of which I still have yet to finish the homework for. I feel this CPA thing caving in on me. All I need is to get a failing grade on the Regulation exam I took in April, and I feel as if I will break down. I’ve studied so diligently and passionately for every part, and to fail is just so heart wrenchingly disappointing. It kills my spirit.
I got selected for jury duty on May 18, 2010. The pool of people I got selected with, we were up for a 2nd degree murder case. They randomly selected 18 people and had them answer a questionnaire about where they were from, if they were college graduates, whether they were married, if they had been victims of crimes, if they knew cops of lawyers, etc. The prosecutors and defense attorneys selected 7 jurors from the 1st 18, and 5 jurors from the 2nd 18. They never even selected me to answer the questionnaire. After they selected 12, I thought they were going to send the rest of us to be selected for another case but they gave us our dismissal papers, and told us we were finished with our jury service for the next 8 years. I decided to claim I got selected for a 3 day murder case. Today, I decided to extend it to four. FUCK MY JOB! Ain’t no sense in going in on a Friday.
I need to get chapter 4 homework done over the weekend. My brain is clouded on studying; just writing about it makes my head hurt. I’ma try to fight through this drag I’m feeling. I HOPE I CAN I HOPE I CAN! I don’t know what to do, life is so fucking boring. I never thought I’d be saying such words living in New York, but I don’t make enough money to have real fun in this city. I don’t make enough money to get the type of woman I want; a smart intelligent, real hair wearing, articulate, sexy, healthy, fashionista (who can afford it), who’s into me, who wants to or can help me make 7 to 10 figures in this lifetime; that’s $1,000,000.00 to $1,000,000,000.00. Someone who dreams big or believes in me. I’m sick of women latching on to me because I seem to be what they want. When do I get what I want? Man, fuck it! I’ve been asking these questions seems my entire life. Is that all my life is meant to be, a big unanswered question? I don’t know what will make me happy. I have this thought that Halle Berry is newly singled; if I get with her, that would solve my love problems. But who knows, I may get bored with her. What is the answer to living a fulfilled life? And please don’t talk that God shit to me. I think it’s having enough money to live how you wanna live; a job doing something you love and a man or woman you truly love who truly loves you back. NONE OF WHICH I HAVE! It’s so sad. FUCK!
The Only Child 1988 